Steel this Book

David Horvitz
  1. Steal the book while the sun rises over the horizon.

  2. Run out of the store with the book.

  3. Pull the fire alarm and walk out with the book when everyone evacuates.

  4. Use counterfeit money to buy the book.

  5. Balance the book on your head and walk out.

  6. Using rubber bands, attach a book under each shoe and walk out.

  7. Buy a piece of candy while the book is under your arm. Walk out holding the receipt for the candy.

  8. Put the book in a shopping bag from a nearby clothing store. Put a nicely folded shirt on top of the book.

  9. Throw the book in the air over the detector and catch it on the other side. Do this casually.

  10. Flip through every page of the book looking for a magnetic sensor. If you find one, remove it.
    Walk out with the book.

  11. Flip through every page of the book, and while you are doing that, read the entire book in the store. Leave the store with the book in your memory.

  12. Put the book in your friend's bag when they are not looking.

  13. Put the book in your bag when no one is looking.

  14. Put the book inside a folded newspaper you are holding in your hand.

  15. Put the book on the floor near the store's entrance. When someone enters the store kick the book out the door.

  16. Photograph every page of the book with a digital camera.

  17. Seal the book into an envelope that is stamped and addressed. It is a federal crime to open someone else's mail.

  18. Roller skate out of the store with the book in your hand.

  19. Wear a shirt with an image of a naked girl. Hold the book away from your shirt (where everyone is looking) and walk out.

  20. Dress like an employee of the store and walk out with the book in your hands.

  21. Take the book on Halloween dressed as Dracula.

  22. Take the book on Christmas dressed as Santa Claus.

  23. Have your little brother hold the book as you both exit the store.

  24. With a group of people, have everyone hold the book as you all exit. Who stole the book if ten people are all touching it?

  25. Put the book underneath a baby in a baby stroller.

  26. Cut the store's power supply after the sun has gone down. Exit in the dark with the book.

  27. Bring a fog machine into the store. Exit with the book in the haze.

  28. Put helium balloons in front of all the surveillance cameras in the store and take the book.

  29. Throw the book outside an open window in the store.

  30. Smash a hole in the store's window. Throw the book through the hole.

  31. Put the book inside a super sized soda cup and walk out pretending to drink the soda.

  32. Drop the book in an upside down slightly opened umbrella.

  33. Kindheartedly open the store's door for an elderly person who is exiting.

  34. Leave behind them with the book.

  35. Buy the book, photocopy it, return it for a refund.

  36. Buy the book, read it, return it for a refund.

  37. Buy the book and take it home. Leave it at your house. Return to the store and find a copy of the same book. With your receipt, "return" that copy for a refund.

  38. Release a wild dog in the store. Exit with the book during the commotion.

  39. Release a cinghiale in the store. Exit with the book during the commotion.

  40. For the book that you don't want, that no one should see, throw it into a trash can inside the store. The store will get rid of it for you.

  41. For the book that you want, put it in the trash can inside the store. Collect it from the outside dumpster later that night.

  42. Steal the book from your friend's bookshelf.

  43. Go out the emergency exit with the book.

  44. Put the book in a bouquet of red roses.

  45. Put the book in a bouquet of white roses.

  46. Make a birthday present box with a trap door on the bottom. Slip the book into the box.

  47. Hide the book inside a fake rock.

  48. Put the book inside a cake.

  49. Walk in the store holding a big mirror. The employees will be distracted looking at their own reflection. Hold the book behind the mirror.

  50. Fill a bag with the books you want. Make it heavier than you can carry.

  51. Ask an employee to help you carry it outside.

  52. Put the book inside an empty cereal box. Glue the box shut inside the store.

  53. Place a newspaper or magazine (that you brought into the store) on top of the book. Pick up the newspaper or magazine holding the book underneath it. Walk out.

  54. Wearing a coat, put the book under your arm inside your coat.

  55. Put the book you want near the door. Come back later in the day. Enter the store, grab it, and immediately walk out.

  56. Set off a bright flash in the store. Exit while everyone's sight is adjusting.

  57. Set off explosives in the store to make a loud noise. Exit as they go off.

  58. Steal the book with a bloody nose.

  59. Cover the book in thinly sliced mortadella and walk out.

  60. Yell "shoplifter!" and point to someone. When everyone looks, walk out with the book.

  61. Cook up some garlic in olive oil in the store. Exit with the book while everyone is caught in the ecstasy of the aroma.

  62. Give all the employees in the store LSD. When they are peaking, exit with the book.

  63. Put the book inside a bag of Japanese rice that you happen to be carrying with you.

  64. Unplug the store's detection device by pulling the cord out of the electrical socket. Walk out with the book.

  65. Step in dog poop and drag your feet through the store. When people begin to notice the foul smell, make your exit with the book.

  66. Ask your friend to streak through the store. Exit with the book while everyone is distracted.

  67. Call your friend with your cell phone and read them the book.

  68. Copy the entire book by hand in the store.

  69. If the alarm goes off when you walk out make a coughing noise louder than the alarm.

  70. Bring a stapler and a paper bag into the store. Put the book in the bag and staple it shut. No one will question a stapled bag.

  71. Steal the book one page at a time from different stores.

  72. Dress up as a cop and walk out of the store holding the book.

  73. Tie the book to a dog and walk the dog out of the store.

  74. Bring a briefcase with a lock into the store. Put the book in the briefcase and lock it. Leave the briefcase somewhere in the store and leave. Come back later and ask if a briefcase was found. Leave with the briefcase still locked. If they ask you to open it, tell them the key is at your house.

  75. Crumble up the book and mark some pages with a pencil so it looks like you have been reading it for a while.

  76. Steal the book in an obvious and over exaggerated manner. They may be too confused to think that you are actually stealing something.

  77. Organize 50 people to steal books at the same time in the same store.

  78. Organize 50 people to steal books at the same time in different stores.

  79. Walk in the store with one of your own books that you don't want. Tell the employees that you are holding your own book. Replace it on the shelf with a different book and leave.

  80. Dress up like a stereotypical criminal by wearing a hat, a mask, a striped shirt, and carrying a bag with a "$" on it. Put the book in your "$" bag and walk out.

  81. Steal the book while you are crying. 82. Steal the book while the sun is setting.

This publication originated as a conversation in The Classroom at the 2011 New York Art Book Fair. The Classroom is a series of informal events organized by David Senior, Museum of Modern Art Library.

 

Kunstjournalen B-post #1_13: Assembly, Momentum, LIAF